Bioluminescence

They told me you’ll be there if I looked intently…deeply…don’t be fooled by the shiny surface, they warned…do not get swayed…

I tried…softly…cold-water ripples greet my toes…stones move underneath…underneath my feet…getting…adjusting…they’ve seen this before…

So I stayed… 

When the moon shines so brightly upon the murky waters…when fireflies know it is time to light the way…when miracles seem graspable…when you feel most alone…watch your ask they told me…

The sky of blue to indigo hues.. are before me…the milky way galaxy on the waters lull me…lull me into their magic…a bacterial soup of dazzle…a star in every drop…each drop a piece of my heart, each sparkle a tear of my eye, each ripple a dream from my soul’s stores…I watch them all drift…drift away into the glow…mesmerised…I stand frozen …unable to stop the shedding…unable to save what was shed… 

I wait in the silence…I want to scream ‘I stand before you…what say you?…where are you?’…I hear nothing but echoes at decibels that shatter glass…if only…if only that alone was the price…to break free from it all…alas…

Where is the line between a memory and a thought…a dream and a wish…where does my mind go when it cannot open any more doors…You ask about life’s rhythm and pace…for my feet know not of the steps they take anymore…you ask where in the convoluted moments in time does my inspiration roam…well I watched it all float away in the foam…the foam of those frothy murky waters that glow with want…and fade with despair…the magic spirit will help you…the magic spirit will come they say…but I see no man no spirit up high by the moonlight behind the mountains nor by the waters down below…how can one not believe their own eyes…

Keep looking they say…why sure, there is nowhere for me to go…

But they…do go…the ideas…that were thoughts…that were ideas…that become thoughts and ideas all over again…one chases after the other until their nuclear fission pops, bangs and explodes…obliterates my sight and smacks my senses to stillness…the stillness of saints…

Something drags me to center and align…come back to it…come back…keep onto the quest…one idea until we rest…that was the line I remembered best…

Out of nowhere…I see you…there you are…a moment of lucid connection…I truly see you and your contours…I touch the light of your frame on which my fingertip tours…I run my prints on the pool of your glittery glow…that tells a billion stories…ones I certainly did not know… I see all that glitters and shines…comes entwined…with the thorns of the unknown…if I could just shape my hands to reach that which calls…calls from beyond all the hisses of fate… and the good fortune promises that always seem so late. My third eye acknowledges you…for it lay dormant for longer than I care…I see visions of pastel rain on arid land…I hear sweet surrender of tired racing souls on resurrected marshland…I taste sweet dewy content, like a tuneful survival big band…  

I felt your inspiration hit me…sweet arrival…I felt air under my feet…transcend…oh I do not know how…I stretch to touch something…anything…but all I mustered, was a push…I pushed past your outline…right through space and time…both yours and mine…

I felt you leave…oh no not again…

That premature loss engulfs the night in a cover of darkness…the bacteria, algae, fireflies and stars…all crumpled on the inside walls of that blanket you hold…a blanket of safety, of magic, of truths you would unfold…but the darkness ensues and I feel…smaller…lost in its infinite dimensions… 

Silence greets my confusion…the missing glow compounded this haunted intrusion…did I miss my moment or is there more to go?…do I wait in the darkness or will the man in the moon come back down like before?…

I’m awake, feet on the ground surprised by the cold stones…hairs raised…my skin bumpy and grazed…

You told me to look intently…and I did…don’t believe your eyes…and I didn’t…are my answers written in my blood and you’re testing me?…or is it ALL drawn on my face and you’re…mocking…me?…

I came…desecrated…eradicated…it all seemed so…complicated…where did all your promises go?…wait for me, just …wait for me…for I finally tasted…what my emancipated…self…might be…