Desertion

“Yasser … Yasser!”

The voice came from the deep well as I’m trying to conquer the darkness to see who was that. It grew louder and clearer. I struggled to separate my stuck eyelids while inside winds shook my head. Light from the window added up to my eye fight.

“Yasser!”

There she sat on the corner of the bed. A black silhouette, the long hair pin spearing the head.

“What time is it?”

“It’s 5:30.”

I rubbed my right eye.

“Why are you up so early?”

Her right leg kept moving to right and left vibrating the bed.

“I’m leaving!”

“Why don’t you wait? I will drop you as usual.”

“I wanna go now!”

Better not to argue. “Ok, see you in the evening then.” My mind still swimming; but I couldn’t lie on my side again as she exhaled waving her hand

“Yasser I want to tell you something!”

My eyes blinked

“Can’t it wait till the evening?”

She almost yelled. “No, it’s important!” Thoughts meandered through my brain. “You don’t understand Yasser! I’m leaving and I’m not coming back here!”

I straightened my back “What?!! Why? What happened?”

She turned her face to the window.

“I can’t continue like this.”

I was holding my breath

“Did I do anything wrong? Please tell me coz sometimes I really don’t realize, you know that. I …”

She interrupted looking back to me, her hand was wiping her face.

“No!” She pointed her forefinger “It’s not you, it’s me.” The finger joined his brothers in a rose bud poking her chest “It’s me!”

I couldn’t utter a word. “I need some time alone! I can’t take it anymore!”

“Is it because of the fight you heard me having with my wife?”

A moment of silence haunted the studio, it felt like minutes.

“I don’t know!” she said. “Maybe!” A shorter jiff of stillness. “I’m inhabited by guilt!”

I stretched my arms making unknown shapes in the air.

“I explained to you a thousand times that you have nothing to …”

The shadow jerked and she intersected again.

“I know what you’d say! It’s not working any longer!” She got up entering my sight finally. “I’m telling you: It’s not you, it’s me!”

My invisible waves suddenly broke.

“And what about me?!! … I didn’t do nothing and it’s you … what about ME?!”

She stared emptily at my face as if taken by surprise.

“I don’t know!”

I strived to regain my calmness “How long do you need?”

She was totally blank, like an autoreply she repeated “I don’t know!”

I rose to my knees on the bed. She was heading to a couple of paper bags by the fridge. She opened her purse, picked something and raised to me without a word. It was the key. Oh my! She is leaving forever! I wouldn’t take it. She put it on the table, carried her stuff and opened the door. She didn’t look back. She just stepped out and dragged the door shut.